


Stay (I Missed You)

by manesalex



Series: RNM Codas [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Coda, M/M, hints of one-sided Alex Manes/Kyle Valenti
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23303566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Kyle and Alex talk about Alex's relationship with Michael.
Relationships: Alex Manes & Kyle Valenti, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: RNM Codas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675885
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	Stay (I Missed You)

“You know you can talk about it with me, right?” Kyle asks. He’s reminded Alex of this so many times, offered it so many times, but he thinks that, sometimes, Alex needs that reminder. That it’s safe to do so. That he does have someone in his corner.

Alex has already said he’s fine, but Kyle knows better. He’s seen Alex perfectly controlled and that wasn’t Alex perfectly controlled. That was anger and pain and desperation leaking out of him. And Kyle knew for certain this didn’t have anything to do with Max Evans or Noah Bracken.

When Alex ducked out before Michael arrived to deal with Noah’s body, well, that confirmed it.

So now he’s here. At Alex’s place, sixer in hand.

Alex accepts the beer wordlessly, tossing the cap to the table and taking a sip. “I fucked things up,” his voice is soft, his eyes staring blankly forward as he peels at the label on the beer.

Kyle sits down next to him, waits for him to elaborate.

“He’s right. I pushed him away. I told myself that I needed to. I needed to keep him safe. I did it, over and over again. For a decade. I was selfish. I took what he offered me and then I pushed him away again. Because I was scared.”

Alex swallows, looks down at the floor. Kyle wants to comfort him, but he knows better than that. He knows Alex and knows touch is complicated for him. And he knows Alex needs to talk about this.

“I was being selfish again. I was- I _am_ finally ready to try. Really _try_ with him. Or I _thought_ I was. I’m a mess and maybe I’d ruin it again. Maybe he’s right to be done with me.

“He’s right. I’m not good for him. And he,” Kyle is surprised to see Alex swipe tears away from his eyes. “He deserves someone who can be good for him. Someone who can hold his hand in public without thinking about what happens when- What happened when someone found out.”

Based on Alex’s stories, Kyle can make an educated guess as to what Alex is talking about and, well, Jesse Manes should be glad Kyle has his code now.

He waits for Alex to continue, but he seems to be done, just continuing to sip at his beer in silence.

So Kyle thinks. He thinks about what Alex has told him of his childhood. Of what he knows of Alex now. And then he finally speaks. “I don’t think you were selfish. I think you love him.” He takes a breath before turning on the couch to face Alex. He waits until Alex faces him too, face wet with tears.

“I meant it when I said you’re the bravest man I know,” Kyle continues. “I’ve known you for most of our lives and you’ve never been scared of what someone’s going to do to you. You’ve never been afraid to be _you_. So… I think you’re scared of what could happen to _Michael_ because you love him.”

He wants to tell Alex exactly what he thinks. About how Alex deserves someone kinder than Michael. Someone less prone to lashing out when he’s hurting. Alex has been hurt enough. But he knows Alex. He knows how quickly Alex will jump to Michael’s defense. He’s not ready to hear it. Maybe he never will be.

Instead, he repeats, “You’re not selfish. You love him. And, right now, you’ve just gotta keep doing what you’re doing. Be there for him. Be his friend. Love him in the way he’ll let you.”

Alex nods, finishing his beer and leaning into Kyle, giving Kyle the permission he’s been waiting for to wrap an arm around him. He smiles as Alex relaxes into his touch.

“Tell me about your day?” Alex asks.

And Kyle doesn’t know whether he’s looking for a distraction or truly interested, but Kyle tells him anyway. He tells him about Rosa showing up. He leaves out all the medical details, but tells Alex how happy he is to maybe get a second chance with his sister, not mentioning the other second chance he got, the one he deserved even less, the one he’s lucky enough to be enjoying right now. He just needs to keep working on maybe deserving this someday.


End file.
